Why I quit The Bachelor, Real Housewives and other $hit reality TV
By: Jen Schaeffers, Founder NetworkinginVan.com
Disclaimer: I feel the need for this at the front end of this blog since some readers might read this blog post title and think I am one of the following: a prude, take myself too seriously, am no fun or generally suck. I would like to think I am none of these things. I am the first one on a dance floor, a woman who likes to shop, drink wine and be silly, I do not get offended easily and I am the first to make fun of myself. There, I said it.
The Hills. The Bachelorette and The Bachelor, Laguna Beach, Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of you name it, The Kardashians…I could go on. Trust me, I have watched them all. I have relished in drinking bottles of wine with girlfriends and laughing, often judging, uttering “she did that???” “what is SHE wearing???” and thoroughly seemed to enjoy myself along the way. I mean c’mon I would never be as shallow as the women on those shows and a little reality tv isn’t harmful, right?
Until I realized something this year…my brain cells were dying little by little every minute of this media garbage I consumed. Even though I abhorred some of the behaviour shown on the shows and knew deep down I would never be a goldigger or slap another girl in a bar, I still continued to watch.
WHY??? I don’t know why, why do you watch reality TV? Why are some of you dying a little tonight because the Real Housewives of Vancouver is premiering? A little self reflection please.
I am honestly not sure. But I woke up a little in the last six months. Maybe it’s because I watched a thought provoking, insightful and educational documentary called Miss Representation - which made me realize a little bit more about myself and how the media is doing an awesome job at manipulating us in ways even I wasn’t aware of. Maybe it’s because I have become exposed to powerful women – women who have gained their empowerment through their work, their brains and by helping their community – not by the fact they slept with a really rich guy or that they use their sexuality to make gains for themselves. Maybe it’s because I now have a young daughter and I am really scared about how this is all going to affect her as she grows up.
But I noticed something in the last six months since I put the ban on all crap reality tv and tabloids.
I am noticeably happier. Coincidence? Maybe. But I don’t think so.
You see, I think reality TV portrays some pretty horrific stereotypes of women. Women are catty, bitchy, goldiggers who are always going to create drama. This is SO limiting and yet – we accept it – we watch it – we love it – we want more of it! I think this is very damaging, especially for young girls growing up and looking at these women as role models, as women that they would want to be like. EEEK. Put that up there with Women’s Football Lingerie League.
I think as women, this affects us in a way that is so deeply rooted in our subconscience, that we actually aren’t even aware of it. How do you feel after watching a show like that? I don’t know about you, but I usually feel like I need to make some sort of improvements to my looks, my body….maybe not right away but the ideas creep in there. Maybe I am alone in this thinking. How do you feel?
Bottom line is for me, I’ve given it up and I am using the time that I used to spend on these programs and putting it to good use. Mentoring, supporting and promoting other women. I am meeting dynamic women who are doing it all and making it look good. I am feeling empowered because of my mind and my work and not because I have a bangin’ body and I just got my weekly botox injection (which I have never had). I am not judging. I am just saying what seems to be working for me, and as a 33 year old woman who grew up fundamentally insecure, I’ve never been happier and more fulfilled in my life.
Got a comment? Would love to hear it.
Follow me @jenu2
Some of my faves:
Miss Representation (DVD comes on Tuesday!)
Jenn Pozner
NIV’s Women Making a Difference Profile Series
Think: Straight Talk for Women in a Dumbed Down World
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Jen. You nailed it. That kind of TV is junk food for our brains. Okay to indulge once in a while, but there is definitely a glutinous feast happening with it today.
Just when I thought you could not get MORE fabulous! I have never ever watched any of this sh*t and never will. It is just not how I am wired. I find my life and the lives of my super fabulous friends way more interesting. I have never thought about it from the perspective you offer, thank you for writing this Jen and for being so honest about yourself. It is refreshing!
The big struggle for me is how all these reality shows are based in competition. Even the ones where there isn’t a prize at the end.
When I jump in the way-back-machine (before Reality TV even!) and think about advice some mentors and presenters were giving my graduating class in University, one of the (few) women said “share your success, stop undermining each other. Especially you women. Try to remember that a higher tide lifts all boats. Quit being mean to each other and support each other instead.”
I had no idea what harsh world she was occupying, but now that I’ve seen it firsthand, I try to remember her words in my daily acts. And I know I feel happier for it.
Totally agree with your comment. Let’s support each other, instead of bad mouth and tear each other down. Exactly what turns me off.
Extremely well said!
Although not a Reality TV watcher on a regular basis or much of a TV watcher at all, I did plan to tune in tonight to view The Real Housewives of Vancouver ~ that is until I read your post and could not agree more with your words.
Thanks for your views and specifically for opening up my mind.
I unfortunately witness women being catty, judgemental and downright mean on a daily basis, so yeah, I certainly don’t need nor want to subject myself to these behaviours any more than daily life presents them to me.
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Beautiful post Jen! Amazing. So many great questions for consideration and contemplation. The most profound being: how do you FEEL after watching these shows? Emotions are our guidance system, attempting to show us the path to the highest potential and experience of our life. Whatever people do (watch or don’t watch), I don’t object either way – but when people take 100% responsibility for their life, miracles happen. Kudos to you for doing just that! And double kudos for bravely sharing your story – it’s vulnerable to take a stand and I think you did it with incredible grace and openness. Lots of love.
Thanks Heather!! Really appreciate the feedback and comments.
100% Agree with you. Not to say that there isn’t TV shows that I find myself glued to (hello The Wire & Game Of Thrones), but all this show will do for Vancouver is amp up its glam factor. For a mid twenties guy trying to make it in a city, the last thing he needs is another factor that will encourage more upscale spending by not-so-upscale people. Real Housewives and all these wealth shows, allow us to live vicariously through these “characters”.
I appreciate the post – and look forward to more!
Jen, so great that you felt compelled to write and share your learnings. As you have discovered, garbage in, garbage out but often the toughest part is identifying the garbage! Much of it today is dressed in sheep’s clothing! It takes a deep awareness and a brave soul to go against the tide and take a stand. You are one of those powerful women who has gained her empowerment through her work, her brains and by helping her community. Happiness comes from authenticity and contribution – it’s no wonder you’re feeling happier! Thanks for a great post!
Very well-written piece. You’re so very right – after watching certain shows, sometimes feelings of inadequacy arise. Suddenly thoughts of needing botox, or other superficial perfection keeps taunting you.
Thanks for sharing your insight.
Thanks Amy! And I really appreciate you sharing the post on your twitter feed.
Hi Jen,
After watching Miss Rep last month, I have been feeling exactly the same way. It’s so easy to laugh at the ladies on the Bachelor, and Snooki, etc., but at the end of the day, I felt guilty for essentially supporting the behavior by watching and the thought would even cross my mind- I guess this is normal?
Miss Rep jarred me into realizing that if I started thinking that, what about girls without that consciousness or realization, or strength. I don’t have any children yet but Miss Rep also gave me hope and guidance on how to empower and inspire them, girls or boys. And to change they way I thought about what is ok to be considered normal or acceptable.
Anyway, thanks for the fantastic post.
Yvonne
Thanks so much Yvonne! Greatly appreciate your comments. I agree with you. The more we continue to watch this kind of thing – the more we are enabling it to continue. Time to take a stand!
Jen, Thank You, Thank You again for putting into words so well what I have been feeling about the glorification of such horrible traits like GREED, RUDENESS, MATERIALISM and IGNORANCE!!! I have just sworn off all these reality shows for good, thanks to your post calling me out on my stupidity for watching, and then saying to my unbelieving ,smart, beautiful kind girl friends, “Oh , it’s like a train wreck, you can’t look away! This New Years resolution was to have an attitude of gratitude, and these shows are certainly counter productive to that!!!